My six year old Oscar fish

named Oscar died over the weekend. It was kind of sad but really I am surprised he lived that long. I figured he would live a year at most. I had to bury him in the back yard because he was too big to flush down the potty. Oscar was a good fish who only occasionally would try to jump out of his tank. He has left a hole in my heart and a horrid odor in my house. Well, I guess a hole in my heart is a bit extreme, I'll just say it's a slight dent.

Earlier this week,

my grandparents told my mom that they heard on the news that gas was going to go way up in price. I never really pay much attention to rumors like that but I decided to go fill up even though I had half a tank. Well, wouldn't you know it, it came down like $0.50 cents this week. It figures. No wonder I don't pay much attention to the news.

Did you ever notice

that as you get older your pants get higher, your socks get higher, your sunglasses get bigger and you become obsessed with squirrels? Just an observation. Let me know if you observe the same thing.

Yeah, so I said that I was

going to do better with the blog posting everyday thing and the cable guy was supposed to come to my house last night and install the internet but there was an issue. He said my house isn't grounded so if there was any kind of lightning everything might explode. Well, maybe he didn't say explode but lets just say it would cease to function. He said to call the power company so I did and they said the'll get someone out there eventually. Then I asked the cable guy that if there was no ground, why does the power work? He said that he studied to be an electrician and they said if there was no ground then the lights would blink. The lights don't blink at all in this house. So the moral of the story is don't buy a house. Especially one where you have to mow the grass and move dryer vents. 

I was told by someone that

they get mad when I don't write a blog everyday, so I'll try to do better. I just moved and don't have internet yet but they should have it set up by tomorrow. This one is kind of lame because it is 6:00pm and not 2:00am like my other entries. I find I am more funny late at night. Maybe I should have my own late night TV show? I would definitely watch it.

I finally got a chance to use

the reciprocating saw last night and it was the coolest thing ever. Now all I want to do is find something and saw it. I feel kind of Tim Allen-ish saying that.  

I've never really cared much for

cats. It could be they way they look at me as though they think they are better than I am, or maybe it is the fact I am highly allergic to them. I have met some really nice cats though and even rescued some kittens from our warehouse and let them live in my apartment for a few days. Truth be told though, if someone gave me some food and said "this is cat" I would probably eat it. Anyway, in case you're wondering where I am going with this, I have always wondered what I would do if a cat ran out in front of my car; would I swerve to miss it, or would I make it a kitty pancake? Well yesterday a cat ran out in front of my car and I got to see what happened. The cat lovers reading this will be glad to know that I swerved to miss it. Yep, I just couldn't consciously squash it. Plus he was orange and kind of looked like Garfield and I just wouldn't feel right about flattening Garfield.

Arrgh, it be ITLAPD.

If ye didn't know, International Talk Like A Pirate Day occurs every September 19th. It be the only day of the year that you should be able to talk like a pirate and not get stupid looks. I get stupid looks even when I don't talk like a pirate. Try it out! Call us today and talk like a pirate and we'll try to talk like pirates back. If ye don't talk like a pirate we'll talk normal because we don't want customers who don't read this to get mad. I should probably tell the other employees about this. Happy ITLAPD!!

I must have really weird

feet. I went to a department store today to buy some new running shoes and I was all excited because I had a 30% off coupon which I am told is elusive. Anyway, I found the running shoes in the brand I like and found about 4 different pairs in my size (size 13 can be hard to find). The first pair made my ankles roll out  and second pair felt good on my left foot but there was this annoying little rise in the sole of the right shoe that I couldn't live with. The third pair forced my ankles in, which was weird and very uncomfortable. The fourth pair actually fit pretty well but were crazy ugly. Like "look at that guy's shoes, they are freaking ugly" ugly. So I didn't get to use the coupon on shoes which stinks because they were having a shoe sale too. So I ended up with new pillows because I had to buy something with the "elusive" coupon. Besides, my pillows were quite nasty and not very squishy. They were also a color that a pillow shouldn't be. Why do they even try to make pillows in white anyway?

Half of Zanesville is out

of power right now. There were some really high winds last night (it took out my internet, thus the reason for no post) and it must have taken down some power lines. All the restaurants with power are absolutely packed with people. I can't figure out why it isn't all out or all on. I guess that is why I don't work for a power company. That and the fact that I would probably shock myself several all the time, just like physics class. Oh, how I miss physics class. Who needs coffee when you have electricity?

My gf found a mystery

poo in her classroom the other day. When she told me about it I couldn't stop laughing. I just thought I would share that with the world. Also, Deb's birthday was yesterday so everyone should wish her a happy birthday. I hope she doesn't mind being mixed in with the mystery poo post. She'll probably think it is funny. At least I do.

A big chunk of rubber

fell off my shoe yesterday. It was right at the back of the shoe and when I walked it looked like I had a limp. The sad part is they are my running shoes and the most comfortable shoes I've ever had. I glued them this morning and I hope it works. Now I am wearing a pair of old shoes and they hurt my feet. Yeah, I really need to break down and buy new shoes.   

I was staring at juices

in the grocery store when I realized that if you shorten cranberry-apple, you get crapple. Just thought I would share.

My day got off to a bad start

because I walked out of my apartment and into a giant spiderweb. I hate running into spiderwebs because you can never be sure that the spider wasn't in the web that is now in your hair. Then I went to the gas station for a cappuccino and they were out of french vanilla. So I get to work and I am drinking my coffee and somehow I manage to spill it all over my shorts. Then my grandpa came and needed me to help him load his tractor onto a trailer which I knew would make me late for my dentist appointment. I helped him and sure enough, it made me about 2 minutes late. I ended up sitting in the waiting room for about 30 minutes though so I guess it was ok. They finally got me in and seated in the tongue shaped chair (anyone else ever notice the chairs look like tongues?). The hygienist didn't talk to me much when she was cleaning my teeth which was nice because I can never figure out if you are expected to try to converse while their fingers are in your mouth. Questions are the worst because I don't know if you are supposed to answer them. Anyway, the dentist came in and said my teeth were perfect and had nothing wrong, which was awesome because I hate Novocaine. I went back to work and my day turned out to be alright. Then I got a ride in a limo! Not really but I just re-read this post and realized how boring it was so I thought that might liven it up. Hope it worked.

I met a 220 pound

English mastiff today named Bob. I think if I had a 220 pound dog I would name it something like Hercules, or Maximus, or Gigantor or something like that. Bob just sounds kind of lame. I hope I didn't offend Bob with that, he weighs more than me and could probably eat me. Sorry Bob. 

I keep trying to add new products

to the site and every time I do, something happens. Like yesterday, I added some pumpkins and then had to load some stuff in a car. Today I tried to add some other stuff but then we got a bus and a computer decided to die. Oh well, at least I know how to get more business.

I haven't written anything for a couple

of days because I have nothing witty or funny to say. I didn't die or anything so stop worrying. I did have a dream that a coworker twisted the head off a rabbit though. It was really weird.

Today was the first

day off I have had with absolutely nothing planned since probably last year. So I did nothing today and to quote one of my favorite movies, "it was everything I thought it would be."

So on labor day are you

supposed to labor? If not, why don't they call it "No Labor Day" or "Temporally On Strike Day?" Unfortunately, I have to labor.