If you spelled every word correctly

you'd be wrong. Unless you were spelling the word correctly, in which case you'd be right.

Every time you buy trash bags

you are literally spending money on something you're going to throw away. There are entire marketing departments for companies who make trash bags who's job it is to make you want to throw away their trash bags more than all the other trash bags on the market. The whole idea is more silly than this post, which is pretty terrible. I'm sorry you read this.

I had an idea yesterday to make

flavored tissues. I told some people and realized it was a dumb idea, so I came up with a better one: scented tissues. I'm going to be rich.

I can't understand how some

people can put on a sport coat and think they are dressed up. Guess what? Your still wearing ratty jeans and a t-shirt.

Someone asked me

if my dog was part muppet. I said yes.

I'm not dead but I almost got eaten

by a bear. We were walking on a trail and a rather large, angry bear jumped up and growled at us. We turned and walked away quickly and fortunately it decided not chase us. After that we checked into a hotel and stuck to day hikes. While on the trail, we got a bunch of bells and sang stupid songs to scare the bears away. We also put a pack on our Labradoodle, filled it with treats, and called him "bear bait." He wasn't thrilled about the name but was a good sport about it. He didn't get eaten either and we didn't see any more bears the rest of the trip. On another note, my beer can stove worked great. We used it to make some chili that tasted really bad. It was warm though so the stove did its job. MacGuyver would be proud (as long as he didn't taste the chili.)

I'm going backpacking for vacation

and I have never been backpacking before. I'll probably get eaten by bears. I did make a stove out of beer cans so I am feeling rather Macgyver-ish. Hopefully this isn't my last post. Sorry if it is.

This is the most random quote

ever heard in the store. "If there was a zombie apocalypse, we would have nothing to worry about because we have a marble rolling pin."