Yesterday I was the closest to

being thrown up on that I ever want to be. Ewww.

Since I am relatively tall

I realized a lot of people can see up my nose. I should probably make an extra effort to make sure it is clean.

I'm dog sitting right now

for some friends who went on vacation. It's fun but a bit of work. I like to walk him and I find myself kind of envious of him because he can freely use the bathroom wherever he wants without people looking at him funny. That is all.

An elderly lady almost

knocked me over at a book store the other day. I was standing there talking to someone with about 3 feet between me and a table. For most people this would have been plenty of room to fit through. Then this little old lady starts walking for the space making a bee-line towards something and she completely clips me and knocks me off balance. I turn around to make sure she is OK and she just keeps on going, no "sorry" or "excuse me," not one word! So then I start making fun of her to the person I was talking to and some big guy came over and went through the same space as the old lady and didn't even come close to touching me. So then I made fun of her more. I hope she heard me. I also hope she didn't drive herself to the book store.

There is a large piece of

roadkill in the middle of the road on my drive to work that has been there for 2 weeks. Every day I have to swerve to avoid it. Sometimes I wish I had a vehicle I didn't care about so I could just hit it. Ewwww.

I just found out that Thanksgiving

is always on a Thursday. Seriously, I had no idea until someone pointed it out to me today. You would think I would have picked this up sometime after 26 years of Thanksgivings. I probably shouldn't have said this publicly. Now I kind of feel like a moron.

A penguin would

make the coolest pet ever. Get it, coolest pet ever? Penguin? Nevermind...

We found a gourd

in the shape of a butt the other day. I think I found it more comical than anyone else.

Do you think stinky people

know that they stink? As humans, we should be able to let them know without fear of offending them.

If I wear a hoodie with a pouch,

does that make me a marsupial?

I think I am going to put

the emphasis on the wrong syllables in words and see what people do.  They will probably look at me like I am dumb. Just a hypothesis. Now I have to test it. I learned that in school. The hypothesis part, not the emphasis part.

I think if Macgyver

were still on he would carry some cable ties in his pocket with his swiss army knife.

I tried playing tennis

with a racket ball racket today. It worked surprisingly well although I was a little self conscious about it.

A fainting goat

would make the coolest pet on the planet. Have a bad day? Go scare the goat. Need a laugh? Go scare the goat. Bored? Go scare the goat. See the pattern here?

I saw an old guy

the other day with shaved legs. It scared me a little. Make that a lot.

Since I was an engineering

major for 4 years, my grandpa thinks that I am a plumber. I have no idea how he made that connection.

I used to put Pledge on

the linoleum floors in my apartment at college just to hear my roommates slip and hit the floor. It was really quite entertaining.

How does whole corn

have any nutritional value? I am not going to elaborate.

Remind me that

if I ever get married and have a wedding, I want plastic glasses or silverware so people can't ring it. Thanks.