I downloaded a program last night at 1:00am

that was supposed to be like a car alarm for my computer. You activate the program with a remote control and if someone touches your computer or tries to take it, it makes a really annoying noise and locks down. Well, anyway, I couldn't get the remote control to activate it for some reason so I went ahead and activated it manually. Right after I did that I tried to deactivate it with the remote and it didn't work either (should have seen that one coming). It was then that I realized that I had no idea how to shut it off (I didn't read the directions). I thought maybe if I hit the spacebar it would ask me for a password or something and all would be well. Boy, was I wrong. I hit the spacebar and the computer freaked out. It started making the world's most annoying car alarm sound and it automatically cranked the volume on the computer. My windows were open so everyone in my apartment complex thought was breaking into a car in my apartment. I hit every button on the keyboard and I could not get it to shut up! I panicked and unplugged the whole thing but it kept going off because it is a laptop and has a battery. I took it into the bedroom and smothered it with pillows to try to make it stop but it barely did anything so I added more pillows and my down comforter. Now it was down to a whisper so quickly I uncovered it, turned it over, and yanked out the battery and it finally shut up. Needless to say, I deleted the program immediately after I put the computer back together. I am pretty sure all my neighbors hate me now.

I found out today that

one of my uncles keeps a dead cat in his freezer. Yes, you read that right. It has been in there for 2 years and he won't get rid of it. I really need to disown that part of the family.

Deep down, I think

all deer are suicidal. Why else would they run out in front of cars all the time?

Have you ever tried to talk

to someone in English but when they spoke you realized they didn't speak English? That happened to me today but it turned out the guy really was speaking English. If it sounds confusing it's because it was.

This weekend I saw a road sign that said

"hump-back crossing." I am still pondering that one.

It amazes me how one small

dead animal can have such a big smell. Fortunately, I made someone else take care of it.

I must have put my finger on something

gross today. I was sorting some papers and when I went to lick my finger to moisten it I about gagged. Then I forgot to wash it off so it happened multiple times. I really should be smarter than that.

Why do mechanics always

have lots of junky cars sitting around their buildings? They never move so they must not fix them. It really can't be good for advertising.

I just faxed an order to a restaurant

for lunch. They have a really nice fax sheet and it has a place for names so they can write it on your food wrapper so you don't get confused. I made the names Munky, Wanker, Stinky, and Meat Head. My sister is going to pick it up and she has no idea what is coming. Hers is Wanker.

I think I am going to try out for unicycling

in the 2012 Olympics. If they don't have unicycling, they certainly should. I should probably get on that.

My sister just told me about

a fun new game to play with telemarketers. When they call and ask for someone, you have to say: "I'm sorry, that person just swallowed a whole tomato and will have to call you back." I tried it last night and could'nt keep a straight face. Give it a shot and let me know what happens.

My gf has a Prius

 and I drive it from time to time. Every time I pass someone else with a Prius I wave to them and they always look at me like I'm an idiot. You would think that people that buy a Prius would have some sense of comradery towards others who buy a Prius but there is none whatsoever. It is almost like they are saying "by waving to you I am not being efficient and I think you are a moron." Come on Prius drivers, where is the love??!!

I need to make one of those GPS things

with a sense of humor. My sister let me borrow hers and it keeps yelling at me but I have no idea what it is saying because it is in French. I keep making up funny  translations for what it says but I am sure it is really saying something lame. It would be so much better with phrases like "I said left you moron!" or "Your so lost, even I can't help you." It probably wouldn't make driving more efficient but it would make it a lot more fun.

The gas station down the road

is $0.10 cheaper than the rest of the stations, so everyone flocks there. There is a line of cars out to the road and people are waiting 10 minutes to fill up. I find it amusing because they are idling their cars that 10 minutes and probably eating up that $1.00 they think they are saving. I always get amused at things like that.

I could never be a hard core

bicyclist strictly because of the spandex.

So I was driving back from work today

with my cruise control set on 60mph when I passed two cars, a Toyota SUV and a Ford Taurus doing about 55mph. The Toyota was behind the Ford so I passed it first and then when I went to pass the Ford, it sped up. I didn't think this was a big deal so I bumped the cruise to 61mph so I could pass but he stayed right in my blind spot. He was starting to annoy me so I stepped on it a bit and got to 65mph. He still stayed in my blind spot. At this point the Toyota must have thought the Ford was going too slow so he decided to get behind me to pass the Ford. I decided I didn't feel like getting a ticket right then (they patrol this particular stretch of road heavily) so I backed it down to 60mph. The Ford also slowed down a bit and the Toyota got right on my bumper. Slowly, the Ford started to pass me on the right and right when he got far enough ahead the Toyota cut over, passed me on the right, then completely cut me off. Then the nice lady in the Toyota angerly pointed to the right lane and gave me several other rude hand gestures. What a mean lady. Then again, I might be mean too if I couldn't learn how to use the cruise control button on my SUV like her.

People keep coming out the the counter

and telling me how hot it is in the building. Don't they realize I'm stuck there and I know exactly how hot it is? I keep wanting to say "Oh man, why did you remind me? I was just starting to cool off too." I'll probably say that tomorrow.  

This dog growled

at me because I was "strange looking." Yes, the black thing with a cone in the picture is a dog. Clearly, it has no right to judge.