I have a new business idea.

I was thinking last night about "thank you" cards and how you are never certain if the person you sent it to gets it. That is when I had the idea for "your welcome cards." It is a natural thing to say your welcome after someone says thank you, so why don't they have cards for it? I love being a genius.

We sell barn stars now

and people keep asking me what they mean. I have no idea so I make stuff up. Today a lady asked me if the stars represent anything. I told her that on the flag, each star represents a state in the Union. She looked at me like I was an idiot.

By some kind of weird key

combination, my computer keeps switching all the keys around on the keyboard. I figured out that it goes into "dvorak" mode and I can fix it but I still don't know how it happens. Maybe my computer just likes to mess with me. Stupid computer.

I think our company logo is lame.

I want to change it to a stick man with a pot for a head and vines growing out of it but I don't think they will let me. I may just do it anyway.

Whenever I run out of quarters

to do laundry at my apartment, I go to the laundromat downtown. I swear that there are at least 7 video cameras set up in there. Is the guy really that worried that people are stealing quarters? It is in a very visible location so I think the 7 cameras are a bit overkill. Maybe it is for the laundry police so they can arrest you for washing reds with whites. I do that anyway (don't tell.)

I just paid an employee

five dollars to lick a plate that smelled like vinegar. It turned out to be anti-climatic but it was worth every penny.

We have an ice tea maker

at work made by Mr. Coffee. Shouldn't Mr. T have made it?

I was chased by some guy

with a floor sweeper today. I was in the grocery store and I noticed him going up and down the isles. I started shopping and naturally, he came up my isle. Then I went to the next isle. Same thing. So I skipped an isle and for about 2 minutes he wasn't there, so I thought I had him. Nope, there he was again. So I walked back to the isles that were already done to get away from him. I felt like a dog that barks at the vacuum cleaner.

What do you think people

would do if I started wearing a helmet every time I drove a car?

Humidity levels confuse me.

If it is 100% humidity outside that means that the air is holding as much moisture as it can, right? But what if it gets foggy and there is all that suspended water vapor in the air? Then what? What about when it rains and there is water in the air from the time it takes it to get from the cloud to the ground? Wouldn't that make the humidity levels higher?

I was in line at the Circle K

today and the guy in front of me was buying lottery tickets. He bought an Ohio Lottery ticket and about 10 scratch off tickets. He stood there and scratched off the ten tickets and won $2.00 so he got two more and scratched them off too. So I am just standing there behind him waiting to pay for my cappuccino.  I really wanted to tell him that every dollar he spends on that he throws away and ever time he wins it just fuels the habit but I didn't have the heart. I guess he does this every day, holding up people wanting to pay for cappuccino.

I have no idea what to do with cards.

I received several for my birthday and I was trying to figure out what to do with them when I realized I still have cards hanging around from last year. Is there a time period for keeping cards? Is it like keeping pay stubs or receipts? Right now I have them all in a drawer by my bed. I really appreciate the cards but there has to be a card keeping time limit. Am I alone on this? Who is with me?

Whenever I couldn't sleep

when I was little, my parents always told me to count sheep. My sheep were really interesting though. They would do flips, stack on top of each other, and occasionally take off straight up into the air. One time they even started fighting about their numbers so they all tried to jump across the fence at once, causing a huge pile up. Trying to count them always made me more awake for some reason. I really need to make cartoons.

I went to see Peter Pan the

play yesterday. I think I saw the movie when I was three so I was really confused during the whole thing. They had a lady dressed like a nanny that was acting like a dog that took care of the kids. Why would someone let a dog or a person that acts like a dog take care of their kids? No wonder they tried to fly out the window...

I am going to start the revolution

of calling "cell " phones "mobile" phones. Doesn't mobile phone just sound better? Cell phones sound like something that should be in a prison.

Today I came into my

apartment at 11:00 at night and laid down in front of my computer as normal (doesn't everyone lay down to use the computer?) After 10 minutes I began shivering and I also noticed that my air conditioner was running. I thought maybe it was just because I was on the ground in front of the air conditioner so I ignored it for a more minutes. After more shivering I decided to check my thermometer. It read 60 degrees! I usually keep my apartment at 78 because I am cheap. So I went over to check the air conditioner thermostat. It was in the same position that it was always in. I turned it to hot and it still ran. I had to unplug the stupid thing before it would stop running. So somehow my air conditioner decided to break on the "Arctic  Blast" setting. Frankly, I didn't think the piece of junk could ever cool that well. Too bad it is broken.

The Fourth of July used

to be my favorite holiday because of the fireworks. We would get large amounts of them and set them off all night long. Then a series of firework related incidents occurred and I decided it was a good idea to ban myself from them. You can thank me later.

If you are ever hanging around me

and you start to whistle, please be sure you can whistle on key. If you are not sure if you can or not, don't try. Thanks.

I don't know why they

call them "root beer floats" when the root beer doesn't float. The ice cream floats. So shouldn't it be called an "ice cream float?"