For Christmas, my sister got me the book

"What's Your Poo Telling You?" She also got me a book of insults and comebacks. They are making Christmas conversations very interesting.

My dog thinks that since

the whole deck is covered in snow it is ok to use the restroom on it. Eww.

I don't think I can take

the Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas song any more. It plays constantly at work and I think it might make my head explode. I am very glad Christmas songs only come around once a year.

I think sarcasm

is best interpreted by other sarcastic people. Everyone else just looks at me funny.

I thought someone

was coming in for a man-hug at lunch today. I didn't really know the guy and I am not really into the whole man-hug thing but I positioned myself to return the man-hug anyway. It turned out he wasn't going in for a man-hug after all, he was trying to say goodbye to the person behind me. Needless to say, it got really awkward after that. 

Elephants are my favorite

mammal with a trunk.

When I put up the Christmas lights

this year I tested every strand like always and then risked life and limb putting them up. After plugging them in, I noticed half a stand was out in a difficult to reach spot. This angered me because I was out of lights and it was raining so I decided to leave it. Anyway, here it is a week later and somehow it magically fixed itself and is working. I swear there is some kind of evil Christmas light fairy that just likes to mess with me.

I'm not sure why no one else

seems to share my obsession with yard darts. The fun, the danger, what's not to like?

I have the next big product

idea: Pre-made Toast!! It's genius. I should trademark that.

Today I found out that I do

some of my best thinking on the roof.