We played Balderdash

at a company party the other night. I said that a Qoup was "A reverse governmental overthrow." It got one vote. Thanks Mom!

The girls who work at

Radio Shack had no idea what a coax connector was. Isn't that like a mechanic not knowing what a u-joint is?

My new favorite food

is sushi. Please don't tell my fish.

If you ever go to a

comedy club, don't sit in the front row. You will get made fun of.

I went to the dermatologist

to have some moles on my back checked out that my sister said "looked funny." I finally found the office 10 minutes after my appointment because someone gave me the wrong address (you know who you are.) So I fill out the papers and then a girl leads me back into a room (which has to be 90 degrees and is painted bright yellow) and asks me why I decided to make an appointment. I told her that I changed my shirt at home once and my sister looked at my back and told me my moles looked funny. The girl then asked if she could see them, so I took off my shirt to show her. She looked at them briefly and asked if they had changed or gotten bigger recently. I told her that I find it difficult to view my back on a regular basis and was unaware that I even had moles back there. So she leaves and ten minutes later (and the room was still at least 90 degrees) the doctor shows up with the girl (I don't know why she needed to be in there too, the room is kind of small for 3 people) and asks why I am there. I told him about the shirt changing sister funny mole thing and I mentioned that she is interested in studying dermatology in college so he wouldn't think my sister stares at moles just for fun. He wanted to know her name and which college she was going to so I told him. A second after I told him he stood up straighter, looked into the distance, and proclaimed that perhaps it was one of his lectures at her college that made her interested in dermatology. This guy has to still be in his twenties so by my math (starts at 19yrs old, plus 4 years college, plus 4 years med school, plus 3-7 years residency = 31 yrs old minimum) I am confused as to how he can give lectures. Anyway, he briefly looks at my moles and says that they all look ok. Then he turns to me and asks if there is "anything down below the belt" that he should look at. Then they both stare at me. I quickly respond with "uh, no, I think I am ok." "Are you sure?" He says, "moles are common down there." The girl adds "especially on the buttocks." At this point, I am freaking out so I again say "I'm ok but I will let you know if I find anything later." Satisfied, the doctor guy said that he wanted to see me again in a year and walked out. The girl stayed behind and showed me a brochure.  The brochure had pictures of moles and clearly pointed out which moles are ok and which are bad. I could see this clearly. The girl read and described the ENTIRE brochure to me. She finished and then says, "do you have any questions for me?" She put extra emphasis on the "for me" part and took a step towards me. So now I am really freaking out because: 1. it is still 90 degrees in the room, 2. The doctor guy wanted me to take off my pants in front him and "Mystery Girl," 3. I am not wearing a shirt, and 4. The "Mystery Girl" is clearly coming on to me.  I reply "nope I am good" then I turn around, grab my shirt and put it on. She hands me the brochure and tells me to follow her out and looks at me with one of those side glances that girls do. So I follow her to the reception desk, give the lady my chart, tell her I'll call in the yearly appointment later, then I bolt out to my car. Freaky dermatologists. That is not even my only dermatologist story. I have another one that I'll tell later. You really deserve an award for reading this whole thing.

When I grow up

I want to have a house with hidden passages. I just think that would be awesome.

They really need to make

envelopes that don't taste so bad. Anything that tastes that bad can't be good for you.

When I was little,

my parents told me that chocolate milk came from brown cows. I believed them.

I have always wanted

to go through a car wash in a convertible with the top down. My dad has a convertible....

Never ask a painter

why they wear white. The seem really annoyed by the question and evidently get asked it all the time. I think I would wear a poncho but that is just me.

I was in the grocery store today

and all the checkout lanes had lines except the express lane. The sign said "10 items or less" so I counted the items in my basket and there were 16. So I decided to stand in the next lane over behind a woman with something like 100 items. Another lady decided she was ready to check out too so she started looking at the lines to find the shortest one. I saw her look at the "10 items or less" sign and then count her items. She had at least 25 items in her cart but decided to go through the line anyway. This frustrated me. I propose that 10 items or less means 10 items or less. And if you are going to write a check you have to go through a regular lane. I hate checks.

We received some supposed "Virtually Indestructible"

glasses here. So I virtually dropped it on the floor from 4ft. and it bounced and didn't break!! So I did it again and it virtually broke all over the floor and it made a big mess that I had to clean up. So I am changing the sign from "Virtually Indestructible" to "Break Resistant."

What's the deal with garage

sales? No one ever wants to sell me their garage.

One of my favorite breakfast foods

is smoked salmon with cream cheese on a bagel (weird, I know.) I went to get that the other day from a bagel shop and I somehow ended up with a cream cheese - egg - salmon - bagel sandwich. It wasn't very good and I highly recommend you not order that. The egg totally kills it.

I found out today that

you can't drown in air due to humidity. I used myself as an experiment and I am still alive. I think...

Today was my first day off

in three years when I haven't had anything to do. I usually take days off to do stuff like see people or something. So today I slept in, watched Spongebob, washed and detailed my car, skated 8.5 miles, ran 4 miles, and then went to martial arts class for 2 hours. It was great.

My pants kept falling down

in the grocery store today because I forgot to wear a belt. I felt really stupid because I had to walk around with one hand in my pocket just to keep them from falling down completely. I put the jeans on after martial arts class thinking they would stay up long enough for me to go to the store but I was quite wrong. I apologize to everyone in the grocery store that saw my underpants. Wow, I can't even remember the last time I said the word "underpants."