Don't you love it when you

reconcile your bank account and find out you have $259.58 more than you thought? I know I do!

How's this for dedication?

I worked nine hours today sick and on my birthday. I fully expect lines to form from companies wanting copies of my resume. I would have put that little ` over the e in resume but I can't figure out how to do that.

The more weddings I attend,

the more I never want to have a wedding. I'll just have really nice invitations printed up for a wedding and send them out after the wedding date.

I knew this past Saturday

was going to be a good day because: 1. I woke up before my alarm clock and I didn't sleep through the wedding I was supposed to go to. 2. I tied my tie perfectly the first time (this never happens and it has been at least a year since I tied a tie.) 3. I found a dollar in my suit!
I would say the most important thing was finding a dollar in my suit. That made the day.

I had the hiccups twice

today. It was weird because I very rarely get the hiccups and if I do, it is only a couple. Both times lasted about 30 minutes. I must have an over active diaphragm today. It took me forever to spell diaphragm.

It is really hard to have

wrinkle free clothes when you don't own an iron. Or an ironing board. Or know how to iron.

Someone always yells

"use your teeth" during the garter toss at a wedding. I didn't realize that it would be my friend's wife. Crazy people.

Whenever I am in a hotel

I always fill up the ice bucket but I never put anything in it. I figure if they go through the trouble of of putting one in the room, I should go through the trouble of filling it up, even if it does just turn into water.  

The last of my single friends

is getting married this weekend in South Carolina. I guess I am a groomsman in it. The wedding is supposed to be on the beach and I have to wear a tux. I hate tuxes. I always feel like a monkey wearing one. Plus, they are tan tuxes so I'll look like a tan monkey. As you can tell, I'm thrilled about it.

Do you think if I

acted mute for a day that people would get annoyed? What if I were really mute?

So I'm running around the track

today at the college that I live next to, just as I always do, when someone starts running the wrong way around it. Keep in mind, there is no set direction to run around the track but everyone always runs counter-clockwise. I think it is because all the arrows point that direction and the numbers are oriented correctly that way but I could be wrong. So everyone, including myself, is running the "correct" direction when a girl comes in and starts running against traffic. I keep trying to look at her funny to make her realize that she is going the wrong way but it doesn't work. She just keeps running around the third lane into oncoming traffic. About 15 minutes later a guy shows up at the track and starts running the same direction as the girl! Again, into traffic. I give him looks too but he doesn't seem to care. So they both run around for like 30 minutes before the guy disappeared and the girl started to stretch. Then she started walking around again in the correct direction. It is a good thing too because I thought I was going to have to tell her she was violating commonly followed track running procedures. Actually, I wouldn't do that. Maybe I should get a t-shirt that says "follow me?"

Despite the lack of nutrition,

I still think that pizza or ice cream make the best breakfast foods.

Have you ever watched people

eating corn? Everyone has a different technique. I use the typewriter method. I've also seen the spiral method, the random bite, the reverse typewriter, the swallow it whole, and the knife. Maybe not the swallow it whole. I just made that one up.

I strongly dislike Canadian

quarters. First off, they are not even worth $0.25 so if you get one back as change, they ripped you off. Second, they don't work in any type of soda or vending machine (including the washer and dryer at my apartment) because they are magnetic. Third, by the time you drive to Canada, buy a bunch of quarters, and try to distribute them out to rip everyone else off, it is basically pointless. I hang my head in shame.

I nicknamed my couch

the "demotivator" because that is exactly what it does when you sit down on it.

I met a cat once

that played fetch. It would only fetch aluminum foil balls and only if you were not watching it. Such an odd cat...

Evidently this was "help everyone move"

weekend for me. First, I had to help my friend move from Cleveland to Cincinnati. He lives on the third story of an apartment building that only has stairs. He also has every issue of Sports Illustrated known to man in plastic containers.  Next, I had to help my sister move some stuff from college. She lives in an upstairs apartment above a bar. She also has the heaviest, most awkward futon mattress on the planet. Why is awkward such an awkward word to spell? Anyway, I've learned from this that I want a very minimalistic house with just a couple of pieces of inflatable furniture, no stairs, and 4 foot wide doors.