I know you can be overwhelmed

and underwhelmed but can you just be whelmed?

I believe that all weddings

should have a keg.

My finger has been numb

for the past week because I was using a razor blade to remove wallpaper and I think I traumatized it. Since it is the tip of my right index finger, it's extra annoying because that finger gets used a lot. Now I have to use my middle finger more often and I am halfway scared it might offend someone. They probably won't notice but that is why I said halfway scared.

I saw a recipe the other day

calling for bananas and cheese. I don't think this would come out well in multiple ways....

I think I am going to try starting

random sentences with "pardon my pun." I know I could be confused if someone did that to me.

I told someone today that

I had been struck by lightning once. They asked if it hurt and I said I couldn't remember. I think they actually believed me which I am not sure is a good thing.

I love watching British car

shows. The cars are more interesting, the people have cool accents, and you get to hear British slang terms like "lumpy yawn."

Why do dentists always have

big hands? You would think small hands would be a job requirement.

I bought some bee killer

the other day to spray down a hornet's nest in the front yard. I used two cans of it and completely hosed the nest until it was dripping with poison. Then got a lighter and tried to light it on fire, like everyone does to ensure that all the bees were dead and it wouldn't light!! I kept trying but it was no use. Then I read the can and it turns out it is a water based bee killer. How is it supposed to work if you can't light it on fire? Yeah it is safer but what s the fun in that?

Today I discovered that squirt

bottles work equally well on humans as they do on dogs. I'm going to go out and buy a bunch so I always have them on hand.