Oil and Tacos

Changing your oil is like eating a taco. There is really no way to do it without making a mess.

I did what?

I did something this weekend that I swore I would never do; Karaoke. The bad part is that I enjoyed it. I hang my head in shame...

Squirrel Tail

I went to the local big box mart last night to find a halloween costume. My girlfriend is going to be a moose, so I am going to be a squirrel. It should be funny because I am at least a foot taller than she is. I found a fuzzy scarf in the girl's department to make into a tail. I should be able to pull it off because I have the tail, a bomber hat, ski googles, and grey sweatpants. I am proud of my tail.

How Much?

People ask me several times a day "how much is this?" I usually say "I don't know, let me check the price tag." I point out the price and about 25 seconds later they ask me again "how much is this?" Granted, sometimes the price tags fall off but still, it is on the tag, or on a sign somewhere near that item. How do they deal with shopping at Wal-Mart where nothing is tagged, the employees have no clue about how much it costs, and everything is done with signs?

It Snowed!

It snowed all day yesterday. There was no accumulation but it made my day. Then my allergies went crazy and I felt like crap all afternoon. So that made my day bad. Today I feel much better. I wired in a 240 volt heater and I have no idea how to wire anything with 240 volts. I hope it doesn't explode.

Right?

Why did the inventors of our language spell "right" the direction the same as "right" the synonym for correct? It makes directions very confusing. "Turn left up here." "Left, right?" "Right." "Right?" "No, left." "Right." "Arrgh!" "Left you idiot!" "Right!" See, it makes it very confusing.

The Dilemma.

Yesterday I found two more kittens in the warehouse. I told my girlfriend about them and she fell in love with them. We have a definate home for one so the other one is unclaimed, so she wants it. The problem is I am highly allergic to cats. Like eyes-swollen-shut allergic. So if she gets it, I might be miserable if I go see her. I know some people with cats though and it doesn't bother me as long as I don't touch it. Other people have cats and when I step into their house, I react immediately and usually have to leave. So it is one or the other. I can take drugs but I always forget them and they make my mouth dry. Any advise? Oh, she already said I couldn't eat it so that is out (joke).

Another Cat.

We found another cat here at the pottery. It is really cute, loud and small. We found it in a storage trailer. I wanted to name it "Trailer Trash" but I was quickly out voted. I really wish I wasn't allergic to those things. Fortunately, an employee was looking for a kitten so it will have a good home.

A Parrot

The most common question here is "Where is the bathroom?" I probably answer that at least 30 times a day. I decided I want to get a parrot and just train him to instruct people to the bathroom. I know a recorder would be easier but this way I get to wear an eye patch.

4 Wheel Drive

My dad got his 4 wheel drive truck stuck in the mud today. We kept trying to get it un-stuck and it really wasn't working. After 5 minutes, he decides he isn't in 4 wheel drive so he puts it in. Guess what? It got un-stuck. Duh. I think he might have some mud stuck in his head.

Gross Black Hair

I just found a really, really long black hair stuck in the keyboard of this computer. Isn't it scary when you find strange hairs? I'm a little grossed out. If everyone shaved their heads hopefully we wouldn't have this problem. Shave your head.

Bad Skiing

Buffalo, NY gets two feet of snow and Zanesville gets 365 days of bad skiing. I'm moving.

One for the Resume

I do more work in the last hour than I do all day. I'll put that on my resume. Do you think I'll get hired anywhere?

No Relation

I was informed today that the Discover Card is not part of the Discovery Television Network. They are, in fact, two completely words. At least that is what a customer told me when I jokingly made the connection. Some people must not laugh much.

Guitar Picks

Carrying guitar picks in your pocket instantly makes you 100 times cooler than you were before, even if you don't play guitar.

Embarrassing Moment

One time I was at a friend's house and I got my braces caught on the carpet. My head was stuck and I had to cut myself loose with a knife because my friend was laughing to hard to do it. I have like a million embarrassing moments.

Hummer

My favorite quote from this weekend: "Why do they call them Hummers? They don't even hum."

Sneezing and hands

Do you think your hands mind being sneezed on all the time? I have been sneezed on and I don't really enjoy it. Maybe I should start sneezing on other people's hands instead? Sure, and get slapped.

Sportcoat or something else?

For my birthday in June, my grandparents gave me a gift certificate to a local clothing shop for the amount of "sportcoat." Seriously, that is what it said. I am not the "sportcoat" type so I hope they won't mind if I get something else instead. If I do get something else, do you think I will have to cross out the amount of "sportcoat" and write in "something else?"

It's cold!

Yesterday it was hot and sunny, like 80 degrees and today it is about 53 degrees and rainy. If I were made of glass, I would shatter from the temperature change. They already have snow in the Rockies. I am definately in the wrong state.

Onions

The other day I bought an onion for a recipe. My girlfirend started cutting the onion and instantly teared up. I took over and teared up as well. The onion was so strong that we only used half of it in the recipe and put the other half in a baggie in the fridge. The next day I opened the fridge and it reeked of onion. The smell came right through the bag!! I threw it out and the smell is still lingering around my apartment. Then today we had Burger King for lunch and all I could smell was the onion on the sandwiches. I think onions now hate me and they are following me around with their smell.

Laundry

I was up until 2:00 am last night doing laundry. There is so much waiting involved in it. First you put the clothes in the washer, wait 45 minutes, take all the wet clothes and put them in the dryer, wait an hour, and repeat. It would be much easier if they integrated the washer and the dryer so it did everything and you just had to put it away. I e-mailed a washing machine company in Ohio about it and they said "it is on our wish list but it would cost too much in R&D." Then I found out I can get one from the U.K. They must think like me when it comes to laundry. It's BORING!!! 

Me, M.D.

I think I will end my name with an "M.D." from now on. Meaning "Master of Destruction." I also think it will make me sound smarter.