People would probably look

funny if they didn't have ears.

You know it is going to be a

rough Monday when the coffee maker explodes and 10 cups of coffee and grounds go all over the table. It didn't help that the table had tons of stuff stacked on it either. Definitely not cool.  

Today I realized there is

a turd in Saturday. I'm very proud of myself.

Have you ever heard someone

say "I'm blowing up" when their cell phone rings? I can't figure out why they say that. It might be more interesting if something did blow up. As long as it didn't hurt anyone.

I watched someone today

blatantly run 3 stop-lights. I would rather gnaw off my own toes than have stop-light cameras but I really wouldn't mind the satisfaction that would come from knowing that guy would get sent 3 tickets in the mail.

This morning I woke up at 7:15

to the dog barking and an awful smell. I went downstairs to let the dog out of his crate when I realized that was where the smell was coming from. The dog must have eaten something evil and I spent most of the morning washing the dog and his crate. What a wonderful way to start my day off.

Isn't it funny how just

one bad experience with a food can completely change the way you think about it? I am never eating dried apricots again.

Of all the things you could

do in the rain, installing an underground dog fence shouldn't be one of them.

Have you ever wished you had

an English to English translator to make sure you get those all to important points across? I do. I really should invent one.

I think I am going to get a big

thermometer to put in the gardenware building. Then I am going to make it read 20 degrees colder than it really is to see if people think we have air conditioning. I seriously doubt it will work but it might.

I hate mowing grass.

There is no bigger waste of time in my mind. Yesterday while mowing I decided that since I have to mow I might as well have some fun with it, so I mowed the entire yard diagonally. Even the parts that would have been really simple to mow normally I mowed diagonally, like the 8ft. strip of grass between the driveway and the neighbor's grass. Doing this made me think less about my hatred of mowing and made me focus on having fun with the yard. So now I have decided that I am going to do something different every time I mow so I can keep my sanity. At least until the neighborhood gets mad and kicks me out or has me committed. Yep, my neighbors are going to hate me. They will probably start calling me the mowing moron or moron mower. That or just "idiot."

I never could figure out

why people say "don't try this at home." Most of the dangerous stuff I have done has been outside or at someone else's house. I sure wouldn't risk blowing up my own house, that would just be dumb.