Given a choice between

a 15% discount or free hot chocolate, which would you choose? I would probably go for the hot chocolate. If you stop in the store Saturday, we're going to give you both. We'll do the 15% thing Sunday too but we will probably run out of hot chocolate. Sorry about that.

My uncle brought sugar

free pecan pie to Thanksgiving. He was talking about how good it was going to be and how it wasn't bad for you at all. I didn't touch it but I was walking by the sink and saw 3 pieces of his pie with one bite taken out of each piece lying there. All good pie must end up in the sink, right? Sugar free pie scares me.

Have you ever wondered what would

happen if you put Bean-o in a gas tank? I have...probably nothing.

If you ever want to make

my day, bring me some coffee. If you ever really, really want to make my day, bring me some Italian Espresso from directly from Italy. I'll put you at the top of my "People That Made My Day" list.

It took me about 10 minutes

in the grocery store to find mayonnaise. You would think it would be with condiments, you know, with the ketchup and mustard. No, it's not. It's with the salad dressing next to the croutons. Who puts mayonnaise on a salad? It goes on sandwiches, like a condiment. So put it with the condiments.

Sometime people can be too

generous. Like the people that don't cover their mouths when they cough. I know they want to share their sickness with the world but some people, like me, don't want it.

The first measurable snowfall of the year

can always be marked by crazy drivers. Some people see snow and keep driving as fast as they normally do, others freak out and go 20 mph while riding their brakes. Come on people, it's just snow! It happened last year! Drive carefully, not stupidly. I think "stupidly" is a word. At least my spell check thinks so.

My entire house smells like

bacon, which is strange because I didn't cook any bacon. I think it might have something to do with the pork chops I had for dinner and the lingering smoke from the wood stove in the basement. It is one of those smells you just can't get rid of with out way to many stinky flower air fresheners. Can you even call them air fresheners? They just cover up the stench. Just like people who use cologne instead of deodorant. 

I have never figured out

if chili is supposed to be called chili or chili soup. I guess chili is kind of a soup so isn't chili soup redundant? I guess I don't care as long as someone makes a decision. If it were up to me, I would just call it chili.

I think I am going attempt to

bring back the word "nifty." No one really says it anymore and I think it deserves more credit. Isn't it a nifty idea? Sorry about that last part, I couldn't help myself.

I completely schooled the manager

of a furniture store last night with my amazing car packing skills. So we (my gf and I) are in this furniture store and we find a dining room table we really like. We decide to buy it and the annoying "must be on commission" sales guy rings us up and calls someone to help us load the table. Over the phone whoever he called asks what we are going to put the table in and we tell him a Toyota Prius. The person on the phone turns out to be the warehouse manager and the annoying "must be on comission" sales guy says "he says there is no way that table can fit in a Prius." Then he explains that the warehouse manager does this all the time and knows exactly what he is talking about. I told the annoying "must be on commission" sales guy to tell the warehouse manager to bring an allen wrench set and help us. After about 20 minutes the guy shows up and doesn't say a word. We go to the table and he starts reluctantly taking the legs off. Finally, he asks "what is this going in?" (even though he already knew.) We say a Prius and he just looks at us like we completely stupid. I make him help carry the table top to the car and after tilting it diagonally, the top fits right in. We put the legs in and shut the hatch. After seeing that it fit perfectally,  the guy shook his head, waved, and slowly walked back inside. I almost feel bad for shattering his ego.

Whenever I clean the bathroom

I always overdose on the super strong floral smells of bathroom cleaner. Bathrooms really shouldn't smell like roses or botanical gardens or summer breezes. Can't they make some kind of unscented bathroom cleaner? One that just takes away all the smells so the bathroom doesn't smell at all? If they don't, I'm going to patent it.

Do you think it is possible

to get a head freeze by breathing outside air? I think it happened to me today but it could have just been a headache. If it were possible, you would think it would have happened before in my life, right?

First it's cold, then

it gets hot, now it's friggin' cold. I really would like some kind of gradual transition into the seasons rather than this yo-yo thing.

My gf wants a

wiener dog. I told her she could get one if she named it Richard. She didn't think that was as funny as I did.

This whole time change thing

has me completely messed up. Last night I fell asleep on the couch at 11:00pm which never happens. I ran the night before that and it was completely dark outside so I had to worry about getting hit by cars. Oh, and deer now love to run out in front of me in the dark on my way home from work. I want to vote to have the time just stay on daylight savings time. I would also like to change the name "daylight savings time" to "sanity savings time." I think that about covers it.  

I think I have this

whole littering thing solved. You get big roadsigns with bullseyes on them, coat them in sticky stuff and put them by the beside the road. Then you can just throw your trash out the window, hit the bullseye, and be done with it. I'm still working out the part about bad throwers and how to get the trash of the sign. I'll get back to you on that.

I scraped off wall paper glue

until 2:00am last night. I've determined that wall paper is the devil's wall covering. Nothing good can come of wall paper. Nothing.