I'm glad the elections are almost

over. I've seen so many advertisements on TV that it feels like we have already elected a President everyone thinks he's already screwed up 3 times. Can I vote to get rid of political TV ads? Please?

I spent my day off

putting in a garage door opener. I had to make 2 trips to the super mega hardware stores down the road and still have to go back again. I think the super mega hardware stores have a racket going on. It seems like every time you buy something from there, you need at least 20 more things to go with it.

Retainers are probably the

most gross things on the planet. I have had the same one for 10 years and it probably has every kind of bacteria known to man on it. Sure I brush it occasionally and dunk it in mouthwash once in a while but that can't kill everything. Well, maybe the mouthwash can since it has alcohol in it but I doubt toothpaste does much. I am about half curious as to what would show up if someone did a bacteria culture on it. I say half curious because I still have to wear it in my mouth afterward.

I would say that the best

part of Halloween is buying a ton of Halloween candy in preparation for an onslaught of trick or treaters then having only a few show up. Now I have about 4 pounds of candy to munch on. Probably more than I could have gotten trick or treating...but I might be a little old for that anyway.

Ever have one of those days

where every stoplight you come to turns red and every person you get behind decides to turn across traffic so you have to wait forever behind them? I hope not, it sucks. Then, to top it off, the sun was in my eyes both to and from work. Maybe tomorrow will be better. 

I just posted the video that

made me famous freshman year of college to YouTube. You really should open it in a new window to get the full effect. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExcUVN7vFog

I was told that playing with fire

by yourself makes you an arsonist. Good thing I gave it up before all my friends moved away.

You know that expression

"Happy as a clam?" Are clams really that happy? How would you know? Do they smile? I think they just have a mouth and a foot. Maybe a pearl too. Wait, no, I think that is an oyster. I ate a raw oyster once on a cracker. It was probably the worst thing I have ever eaten.

I personally think that if

a singer is a child molester, we shouldn't be forced to listen to his/her music at work. Just my opinion.

I just wrote a check

for $1.00. It was to pay my credit card bill and the only thing I had on it was a $1.00 charge from the Post Office to change my address. I was very ashamed for doing it too because I usually make fun of people for writing checks for small amounts. Ironically, the Post Office will make 42% more from me off of postage to mail the check to pay their charge. Maybe that isn't ironic, I could have completely misused that word. Now that I think about it, I probably missed that on the word definitions part of the 12 grade proficiency test. At least I can spell proficiency. 

For the third time in my life

while I was filling up at the gas station, the pump clicked off at a whole number. Both times it happened before I just left it and didn't try to squeeze in any more gas. Today though, gas was a really good price so I wanted to get as much as I could. So I was faced with a dilemma; Leave it, or top it off? Well, I decided to top it off, thinking I could get it to the next whole number. Nope, I got to $0.25 and couldn't fit any more. I should have just let it be. At least I didn't spill any this time, I hate it when that happens.

Spiderzilla was on my floor

today. I normally don't care about spiders but I really think this one could have eaten me. I grabbed some toilet paper, picked him up, and threw him in the toilet. He kind of sat there on the surface of the water so I watched him for a minute. He just chilled for a bit and then decided to try to climb back out, so I flushed him. Getting flushed looks kind of fun if it were not for the sewer part. They should make a giant toilet water park ride. No comment on what the rafts should look like...

So if the bank that I pay

my student loans back to goes out of business, do I still have to pay back the loan? I've been wondering that for about a week.

I stopped at a gas station this

morning to get a cup of coffee. I grabbed a cup and filled it with my usual 2/3 coffee and 1/3 cappuccino and starting looking around for the lids. In the spot where the lids were supposed to be there was a little sign that said "out of lids." What the heck am I supposed to do with my coffee now? It's already in the friggin' cup and I can't just chug it down like the Fox from The Man Show. So I stand there contemplating for a minute, do I leave the coffee there or do I find a way to take it to work? Well, I found some soft drink lids that were just slightly too large for the coffee cup, so I took some napkins and laid them over the cup and put the lid on top of them. I paid and walked out to my car thinking to myself, "If this spills in my car, I am going to come back and chuck this at their window." I'm not usually grumpy enough to do that but it's morning and I hate mornings almost as much as I hate having liquid spill in my car. Anyway, I got the coffee back to work without spilling it and although it tasted slightly of napkin, I drank it. The end.

The power went off here

for about an hour and a half. After about ten minutes the alarm system monitoring people called to tell us the power was out. Here is my conversation with the lady:

Me: "Zanesville Pottery"
Lady: "Hi, this is Barb with the alarm company, how are you today?"
Me: "Well, the power is out and my day would be better if it were on."
Lady: "Yes, we are just calling to tell you that your power is out."
Me: "Yep, it is definitely out."
Lady: "We like to call places and tell them their power is out."
Me: "Uhh, thanks?"
Lady: "Have a great day."
Me: "I'll try."

I really could have had some fun with her but I was busy tripping over extension cords that we had all over the floor. Plus I didn't want to sound like a butt. I'll make it a point to have more fun next time though.

Do you think people with B.O.

know they have B.O.? How could they not? Do they think people with B.O. follow them around all day so they think it isn't them? Every time I smell B.O. I always have sneak a whiff of my pits to make sure it isn't me. I try to disguise my pit checks by scratching my back, which seems to work out well. Maybe people with B.O. can't smell? If I smelled like I used an onion as deodorant I probably wouldn't be able to smell either; the stench would eat away at whatever makes it so you can smell. I am sure that whatever it is that gives you the ability to smell has a name but I'm not a doctor.   

I dumped chicken noodle

soup all over my pants today. I took some wet towels and tried to dilute it and then I used a hair drier to dry off my pants. If you have ever dumped chicken noodle soup on your pants, you would know that there is a chicken noodle soup smell that you can't get rid of. Now I keep getting whiffs of soup every so often. Then I opened the cash drawer and it got caught a small hole in my pants and made it into a bigger hole. I guess I am just having a bad pants day. I would take them off but I don't think people would like that. Plus it might get a little drafty. 

The cable guy came today

to hook up my internet again. I wasn't home but I was told he got it working and all was well. Anyway, I just got a phone call that there is a long, bright orange cable now laying across my lawn (that I need to mow) and into the house. The cable guy neglected to tell me this and I can't get a hold of the cable company to ask them about it. What really aggravates me is that the house already had cable when I bought it and the cable guy decided it needed a new line. I guess I have to learn how to operate a trencher now and use it when I get time, assuming the guy didn't run the line across the underground power line going to the house. I hope I can just use a bed edger to put it in. I have experience using one of those with the blade on backwards. They don't work well with the blade on backwards. Wah-hoo.

I found this sign

on the outskirts of Zanesville. I think the picture speaks for itself.