The Zanesville Pottery Blog

I can't understand how some

2011-10-12T02:29:00.001-04:00

people can put on a sport coat and think they are dressed up. Guess what? Your still wearing ratty jeans and a t-shirt.

Someone asked me

2011-09-02T00:04:00.001-04:00

if my dog was part muppet. I said yes.

I'm not dead but I almost got eaten

2011-08-14T14:32:00.001-04:00

by a bear. We were walking on a trail and a rather large, angry bear jumped up and growled at us. We turned and walked away quickly and fortunately it decided not chase us. After that we checked into a hotel and stuck to day hikes. While on the trail, we got a bunch of bells and sang stupid songs to scare the bears away. We also put a pack on our Labradoodle, filled it with treats, and called him "bear bait." He wasn't thrilled about the name but was a good sport about it. He didn't get eaten either and we didn't see any more bears the rest of the trip. On another note, my beer can stove worked great. We used it to make some chili that tasted really bad. It was warm though so the stove did its job. MacGuyver would be proud (as long as he didn't taste the chili.)

I'm going backpacking for vacation

2011-08-06T01:36:00.001-04:00

and I have never been backpacking before. I'll probably get eaten by bears. I did make a stove out of beer cans so I am feeling rather Macgyver-ish. Hopefully this isn't my last post. Sorry if it is.

This is the most random quote

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ever heard in the store. "If there was a zombie apocalypse, we would have nothing to worry about because we have a marble rolling pin."

I almost died today.

2011-05-16T02:08:00.001-04:00

Actually I didn't. A bird attacked me and I screamed like a little girl. I'm telling people I almost died to justify the scream.

Best. Mole. Removal. Method. Ever.

2011-04-13T00:36:00.000-04:00

My yard has moles. Bad. I decided to find ways to remove them online and found this little gem.
How to Get Rid of Moles in Your Lawn - wikiHow
This has to work, right? I'm so going to do this.

Every year the city of Zanesville

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complains because they run out of road salt and they don't have money to buy more. It is probably because they dump it all over the road like they did tonight. It's 57 degrees outside and pouring down rain. The nightly low is predicted to be 41 degrees with more rain. No sign of ice or snow at all. Not even the slightest chance. Maybe they are practicing for winter?

I got a flu shot today

2010-10-08T00:02:00.001-04:00

and they asked me if I was pregnant and if I was allergic to mercury. First, I'm a guy. Second, mercury is toxic. Isn't that like asking me if I were allergic to arsenic?

The other day I read an article about how running

2010-09-16T01:30:00.001-04:00

shoes are bad for your feet. The article recommended that you run on bare feet or use "minimalist shoes." I looked up the "minimalist shoes" and found out they were stupid expensive (minimal everything except price, evidently.) I like to run though and wanted to give it a try, so I decided to make my own "minimalist shoes" by wearing socks and making duct tape soles. I put on running pants to try to hide them a bit (because they looked like socks with duct tape soles) and ran around the neighborhood. I probably put 2 or 3 miles on them and except for having to dislodge the occasional rock from the sole, the soles starting to come loose because my feet got sweaty, and being self conscious about my hobo footwear, they felt great! Before I took them off though I decided significant other water plants and she happened to notice my hobo footwear. After an awkward explanation about why I ran around the neighborhood with duct tape covered socks, she looked at me like I was a moron. Now I get made fun every time I mention running or shoes or socks or anything of that nature. I told my mom too and now she is making fun of me as well. I am starting to think that spending money on "minimalist shoes" might not be a bad idea. At least I would be a lot less humiliated.

I have some stairs

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at my house that go down next to a big wall. The wall is red and boring and it needs some pictures. Usually people put stupid pictures next to their stairs but I thought of something much better. I am going to take pictures of all sorts of stairs and put them on the wall next to my stairs. I think about ten pictures of all types of stairs should do it. Escalators, spiral, metal, wood, curved, it is going to be absolutely epic. I'll probably win some awards for it. Then I am going to do my bathroom the same way using only pictures of toilets. This is probably my best post ever.

I may have over jalapenoed

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my with my nachos today. If you have ever over jalapenoed, you know what I am talking about.

It is a bad idea to use leather cleaner

2010-07-06T00:49:00.001-04:00

on your steering wheel. Unless you like having a super slippery steering wheel, which I don't.

I bought a solar powered vibrator

2010-06-29T23:25:00.001-04:00

today to try to get rid of the hoard of moles that have taken over my back yard. Frankly, the idea of a solar powered vibrator is more than slightly disturbing to me. It makes a high pitched, ultra annoying sound every 30 seconds that is supposed to drive away the moles. There is no way this is going to work and in the end I am just going to be stuck with the moles and a solar powered vibrator. This has to be my worst post ever.

Bubble wrap would be

2010-06-25T01:14:00.001-04:00

a lot cooler if the bubbles were filled with scented air so when you popped them it would smell good. I think it would make the world a better place, don't you?

The man at the gas station said this to me

2010-06-08T01:15:00.001-04:00

yesterday. "If the printer is jammed it stays that way until it gets fixed." I'm sure there is some deep meaning somewhere in there.

Wouldn't life be better

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if everyone had a helicopter instead of a car?

How do you think they came

2010-05-28T17:38:00.001-04:00

up with the word "umbrella?" Why would something so useful have such an odd name?

Sometimes I think the road

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would be a safer place if everyone drove a manual transmission. Do you know how hard it is to shift a car and talk on a cell phone or drink a coffee? Darn hard. I think aIl manual transmission drivers should get some kind of insurance break. Or at least a pat on the back.

I decided to trim the hedges with a

2010-05-18T01:03:00.001-04:00

weed wacker yesterday. It worked perfectly but all the neighbors saw me do it and probably think I'm a moron. But at least my hedges look good.

It irks me when you order a drink

2010-05-07T00:33:00.001-04:00

and it comes in a cup advertising another drink. Like when you order a large tea and the cup says to try some kind of coffee drink. They don't even make coffee drinks that big. Plus, if I wanted the coffee drink I would have ordered it.

Yard sale drivers

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have to be the worst drivers on the planet. I'm speaking only from experience, of course.

I wonder if you can

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be allergic to allergy medicine?

The significant other told me to

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"sheet" the bed today. I just laughed and asked her if the dog could help me. I don't think she got it.

I have always underestimated the usefulness of toes

2010-04-13T23:58:00.001-04:00

until I ran mine over today with a pallet jack. Now I get severe pain whenever I use them, which I am finding is quite a lot. Sorry toes.

I have never owned a shirt

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with my name on it. If I was going to wear a shirt with a name I would make sure the name wasn't mine. That way people couldn't come up and start talking to me like they know me. Only they probably would but they would be using the wrong name so then I could call them on it. Then they would feel like a moron. That or they would accuse me of wearing someone else's shirt. Then I would feel like a moron. So maybe the whole "named shirt" thing just isn't for me.

Why is it that every time you

2010-04-08T23:38:00.001-04:00

drop food it seldom lands on your napkin? Isn't that why we put napkins on our laps? I think I am going to boycott the whole napkin lap thing.

Every year I gather all the teeth

2010-04-05T00:46:00.001-04:00

I lost since I was 5 years old and hide them under my pillow for the Easter bunny. I never get any money though, instead I get a basket of candy. I am so confused.

My work shoes were soaked

2010-04-02T00:43:00.001-04:00

from pressure washing the house yesterday so I wore my lawn mowing shoes to work today. My lawn mowing shoes are really cruddy and are missing a big rubber piece on the heel so when I walk it looks like I am limping. Anyway, I thought I would get used to it but after a while my knee started hurting and I was getting strange pains in my back. So, to make a long story short, I went home and put on my good running shoes and now everything is better. I think I might run over my lawnmowing shoes with the lawnmower. Then end.

Why is it that every time

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I go to put something on here I draw a blank? Really, you are probably better off this way.

What do you suppose they call

2010-03-26T23:58:00.001-04:00

Mexican pizza in Mexico? I'm at a loss.

The dentist told my mom

2010-03-26T11:09:00.001-04:00

that toothpaste is bad for your teeth. Apparently it is too abrasive to use twice a day. Now I'm confused. I have been taught my whole life that I need to use toothpaste and now I am just supposed to stop? I tried using just water this morning and it was horrible; no foam and no minty aftertaste. I think next they will probably say that shampoo is bad for your hair and soap is bad for your skin. Grrrrr.

The weather man said it was

2010-03-23T00:48:00.001-04:00

supposed to rain "buckets" today. I really hope they are plastic buckets because I think metal buckets might dent my car and be really loud when they hit the ground.

I ironed pants for the first

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time in my life tonight. It turned out a lot better than I anticipated. I would say they look maybe the 4th or 5th pair of pants I have ironed. Definitely not the sixth pair though.

I never wear green on St. Patrick's Day.

2010-03-17T10:49:00.001-04:00

Instead I just tell people I have on green underwear to avoid being pinched. No one has ever asked to see my underwear, which is probably a good thing.

I missed part of my face shaving

2010-03-13T19:56:00.001-05:00

today and it looked like I had dirt on my lip. I was really self conscious about it and would have shaved it off but I don't keep a razor at work. No one seemed to notice it though. That or everyone noticed it and no one told me about it. Just like that one day I wore my shirt inside out to work....

Something went terribly wrong

2010-03-11T00:47:00.001-05:00

with my homemade chicken noodle soup today. Somehow the noodles turned into a gelatinous mass and gave the whole thing the consistency of grits. It tasted good but made you want to gag. That is the last time I by really cheap noodles. Thank goodness I keep a pizza in the freezer as a backup plan.

If you ever get dentures

2010-03-06T10:44:00.001-05:00

and then go to a bank, please don't fiddle around with them where people can see you. I saw a lady doing this today and I think I might have nightmares about it tonight.

Safety pins are really not that

2010-03-03T01:29:00.001-05:00

safe. Yes, they have that cover / hooky thing but they are still pointy. They should change the name to something less misleading, like "cover pin" or "kind of safety pin." I am not sure that I should have used quotation marks there. I may have slept though quotation mark day in English class. Sorry about that.

Tall people are not meant to

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spend afternoons in short attics. It just doesn't work.

I would have to say

2010-02-27T23:58:00.001-05:00

that snow is my favorite form of precipitation.

So Ohio passed a law

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that requires you to turn on your headlights when are using your windshield wipers. I see the point of this law but I wonder if I will get pulled over if I wash my windshield in daylight with my lights off. I also wonder if I have to use my lights when it is raining and I have the anti rain stuff on my windshield and don't use my wipers. Maybe I'll write a letter.

I think life would be better

2010-02-19T01:23:00.001-05:00

if I had a tail. But only if everyone else had a tail too. Otherwise everyone would make fun of my tail and then life wouldn't be better.

It is snowing here again

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and they canceled school for the tenth day this year. I wish I were still in school so I could be as excited as the kids. Then again, high school wasn't the most awesome time in my life and neither was elementary or middle school. So maybe I am glad I am not back in school. You get the idea though.

I had spaghetti tacos

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for dinner tonight and they were awesome. It's like eating spaghetti with your hands but not quite as messy.

My dog hurt his knee yesterday

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in the snow. I didn't even know dogs had knees. He'll get better soon.

Did you ever get the feeling

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that people are watching you? I never have but I think it would be creepy.

I made a snowman today.

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It had awesome hair. Then the snowplow guy came by and pushed tons of snow over it. I didn't like that part.

I never thought I would see

2010-02-06T01:59:00.001-05:00

the day when there would be too much snow for my subaru to get through. Today came close. Tomorrow might just do it. It is completely awesome.

When I grow up I want to be

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an inventor. I have no idea what I am going to invent but it is going to be really freaking cool.

There is something that bothers

2010-02-01T01:11:00.001-05:00

me about meat you don't have to refrigerate. Like the precooked bacon they have stacked all over the grocery store. It's just weird.

I think I am going to build my own

2010-01-31T00:36:00.001-05:00

snow machine. My neighbors might not like it but I'll just throw snowballs at them.

Have you ever thought about

2010-01-26T01:20:00.001-05:00

the phrase "in a pickle?" How do you suppose someone could come up with that? Pickles are not hollow and nothing inside a pickle but more pickle. The more I think about it the more confused I get.

Today I found some gravy

2010-01-24T01:10:00.001-05:00

in the refrigerator that expired in 2005. I was tempted to try it but then decided I shouldn't.

I would look absolutely

2010-01-20T00:59:00.001-05:00

horrible dressed as a clown. Just thought you should know.

Do you think the person responsible

2010-01-19T01:44:00.001-05:00

for putting sprayers on sinks ever realized how much fun they are to spray people with? They are so much better at that than dish washing.

Don't you hate it when

2010-01-18T01:00:00.001-05:00

you're really tired but still too awake to go to sleep?

I've discovered that your nostril

2010-01-17T01:05:00.001-05:00

is a horrible place to get a zit.

If someone sends you an email

2010-01-13T01:57:00.002-05:00

at 3:49am on Tuesday and says says they will meet you tomorrow, does that mean they will meet you Tuesday or Wednesday? Yes, it confused me too.

It amuses me that the same

2010-01-12T01:16:00.001-05:00

psychology used on dogs also works on people. I don't know if that is good for them and bad for us or vice-versa.

Talking with your mouth

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open is a lot easier than talking with your mouth closed. Go ahead, try it.

Earlier today I thought of something

2010-01-07T23:49:00.001-05:00

amazing to put here and I was going to write it down....but I forgot and now it is completely gone. Sorry about that.

I've noticed that people with

2010-01-07T00:57:00.001-05:00

all wheel drive vehicles think of snow differently than everyone else. For instance, I feel no need to shovel the driveway. The woman feels differently.

I can't stand those stupid

2010-01-06T01:42:00.000-05:00

"captcha" things that are all over the internet. I can never read the dumb things and half the time they make me feel like I need glasses.

It is amazing how much

2010-01-05T01:29:00.001-05:00

more stuff you can get done by canceling your cable. I should have thought of this years ago.

Winter would be a lot better

2010-01-04T01:46:00.001-05:00

if there were more snow and less cold. I don't know how that would work but it would be better, I promise.

So do we say two thousand

2010-01-01T20:50:00.001-05:00

ten, twenty ten, oh ten, or just 10 for 2010? My vote is for oh ten. It has a nice ring to it.

For Christmas, my sister got me the book

2009-12-25T12:47:00.001-05:00

"What's Your Poo Telling You?" She also got me a book of insults and comebacks. They are making Christmas conversations very interesting.

My dog thinks that since

2009-12-22T01:46:00.001-05:00

the whole deck is covered in snow it is ok to use the restroom on it. Eww.

I don't think I can take

2009-12-18T01:05:00.001-05:00

the Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas song any more. It plays constantly at work and I think it might make my head explode. I am very glad Christmas songs only come around once a year.

I think sarcasm

2009-12-15T23:34:00.001-05:00

is best interpreted by other sarcastic people. Everyone else just looks at me funny.

I thought someone

2009-12-14T00:34:00.001-05:00

was coming in for a man-hug at lunch today. I didn't really know the guy and I am not really into the whole man-hug thing but I positioned myself to return the man-hug anyway. It turned out he wasn't going in for a man-hug after all, he was trying to say goodbye to the person behind me. Needless to say, it got really awkward after that.

Elephants are my favorite

2009-12-09T23:52:00.001-05:00

mammal with a trunk.

When I put up the Christmas lights

2009-12-09T00:46:00.001-05:00

this year I tested every strand like always and then risked life and limb putting them up. After plugging them in, I noticed half a stand was out in a difficult to reach spot. This angered me because I was out of lights and it was raining so I decided to leave it. Anyway, here it is a week later and somehow it magically fixed itself and is working. I swear there is some kind of evil Christmas light fairy that just likes to mess with me.

I'm not sure why no one else

2009-12-06T14:33:00.001-05:00

seems to share my obsession with yard darts. The fun, the danger, what's not to like?

I have the next big product

2009-12-03T22:17:00.001-05:00

idea: Pre-made Toast!! It's genius. I should trademark that.

Today I found out that I do

2009-12-01T01:07:00.001-05:00

some of my best thinking on the roof.

Cyber Monday Sale

2009-11-30T10:24:00.001-05:00

Use the coupon code " TURDUCKEN " (all caps no quotes) to save 25% off everything in our online store. This would have been at the top of the page but the idiots that host our website decided to change my username and password then go on vacation so I can't edit anything. Thanks a lot web host people!

Every time I see a bag of flower

2009-11-26T01:52:00.001-05:00

I get this overwhelming urge to throw it off of something tall to see what kind of mess it would make. Am I the only one that gets this?

Meat flavored dog treats

2009-11-25T01:52:00.001-05:00

don't taste anything like they smell. They smell decent but I tasted one and it was horrible. I can't understand how my dog eats them.

There is a chance of snow here

2009-11-24T00:29:00.001-05:00

on Thanksgiving and I am debating about putting my winter tires on the car. On one hand if I do it, it won't snow at all. On the other hand, if I don't do it, it might snow and I might end up in a ditch. Such a dilemma.

Car manufacturers really need to

2009-11-18T01:34:00.001-05:00

make it easy to change light bulbs in their cars or make them with light bulbs that don't burn out. I want to speak with the engineer that thought it would be acceptable to make me remove the entire intake system and the battery to change burned out bulbs.

Battery powered tools are

2009-11-17T01:14:00.001-05:00

a great idea....until you use up all your batteries. Then they are pretty much useless for about an hour.

I went to the grocery store

2009-11-16T00:11:00.001-05:00

the other day and bought toothpaste and beer. When I went through the self checkout and scanned my items, the coupon machine spat out a coupon. Every time I get a coupon it is related to something that I purchased so I was a bit surprised when the coupon was for $1.00 off salad dressing. It makes no sense to me at all.

Sometime in the late 60's

2009-11-11T00:02:00.001-05:00

white and sea-foam green linoleum must have been popular. I found it living under my carpet yesterday. Tomorrow people are coming to put in ceramic tile and I have no idea how they are going to pry it up. I tried using a shovel to remove it but it didn't do any good. I feel bad for the tile people but rather good for myself for not having to do it. At least until I get the bill. Bad linoleum, go back to the 60's!

I hate the time change.

2009-11-08T16:49:00.001-05:00

Words cannot express my feelings towards it so I'm not going to write any.

I keep having a nagging

2009-11-06T00:23:00.001-05:00

urge to blow all the leaves from my yard into the neighbor's yard. They wouldn't notice, right?

I never realized how bad

2009-11-04T15:50:00.001-05:00

my feet smell until I left my shoes in my car the other day. I really hope that smell comes out.

My new favorite word

2009-11-02T17:03:00.001-05:00

is deluge. It just rolls off the tongue.

I asked a doctor how allergy shots

2009-10-31T13:06:00.001-04:00

are supposed to work last night. She said that they inject small amounts of what I am allergic to into my arm and build the doses up slowly so I build up an immunity and stop having reactions to what I am allergic to. I'm allergic to lots of things, including cats, which means that for the past 3 years I've been having kitty bits shot into my arm. Kind of gives you that warm, fuzzy feeling, huh?

I'm convinced that watching

2009-10-30T00:18:00.001-04:00

the news too much is bad for your health. I watched it for 10 minutes today and thought the world was going to end. Then I turned the TV to South Park and now I am much better.

If you ever go camping with

2009-10-28T00:38:00.001-04:00

a labradoodle, make sure it isn't raining and that there are no burrs within 10 miles of you. Just thought I would share that.

Today I found out that steering

2009-10-26T23:26:00.000-04:00

a lawnmower with one wheel doesn't work well. That and vise grips can sometimes fix the problem if they don't pop off and get run over by the lawnmower you tried to fix with them.

Apparently, to work at

2009-10-23T00:02:00.001-04:00

Radio Shack you don't need to know anything at all about electronics. Grrr.

It bothers me that the gear

2009-10-22T00:52:00.001-04:00

oil from my transmission smells like body odor.

My dog chased a fly

2009-10-20T00:24:00.001-04:00

around the house for well over an hour this evening. The fly finally landed on a chair and I smacked it dead. Unfortunately the dog didn't see that I killed it and he is still searching for it and won't sit still. I think he has ADD.

I feel bad for Susan.

2009-10-19T00:09:00.001-04:00

She invented a spinning thing you put stuff on to make life a little easier and now everyone calls it a "Lazy Susan." Susan wasn't lazy, she was intelligent and made something that makes the world a better place. Her invention should have a much better name like "Freaking Genius Susan" or "Awesome Susan" or "Susan's Cool Spinning Round Thing."

Bills would be so much

2009-10-14T00:52:00.001-04:00

better if they paid themselves.

Today I had to figure out what

2009-10-12T17:13:00.001-04:00

color "Aubergine" was. I am usually pretty good with my product colors, like salmon, plum, sunflower or xiling blue but this one had me stumped. It turns out, according to Wikipedia, it means eggplant, or more commonly, purple. Just call it freaking purple already. Save everyone the headache.

Today I used the lamest

2009-10-08T00:32:00.001-04:00

excuse in the world to get out of a family function. It is completely true but to lame to believe. I'm going to consider myself disowned.