I would never have a problem

wearing dirty socks if I really had to. Especially if they were black. Am I alone on this? What is your opinion?

I went to Amish Country

the other day with my grandparents. Every time I go there, I can't help but think that somewhere in a shed is a little Amish boy trying to invent the telephone so he can talk to his friend down the road. Poor little guy.

For the first time in my life,

I received a fifty cent piece as change. I couldn't believe it. I'm still in shock. I didn't think anyone used those anymore.

Computers know when you

really need them and always tend to screw up then. They say artificial intelligence isn't hear yet but I say bull.

Working with wood

would be much easier if it didn't warp, crack, splinter, split, or break.

I am surprised that worms

are not extinct due to the sheer number of them that crawl up when it
rains and dry up on cement. They are everywhere!!

If you are the kind of person

who gets violent and tries to pick fights when you go to a bar, don't
go to bars. Just a thought.

Some moron decided

to try to break into my car last night and managed to mangle my door lock with a screwdriver.  I am glad he didn't pop open the door because I have no idea how to turn off my car alarm. Now I get to file a police report and do the whole insurance thing. Yippee.

I was excited to find Peeps

on sale for $0.25 the other day. I only get peeps once a year and I love them, so I decided to stock up. I took them home, opened a package, and discovered they tasted like cardboard. I think they had been in the package for too long. So now I have a bunch of cardboard tasting peeps that I don't know what to do with. I think I'll shove them all in the microwave at once to see what happens. What do you think?

One day a year

people should gather at a big grocery store and have a shopping cart demolition derby. I have always wanted to do that but I'm afraid some people just wouldn't see the humor in it.

Will someone please

make a washing machine that accepts one dollar bills? I am sick and tired of being one quarter shy of a full load. (Take that as you like.)

My grandparents broke the handle

on their big, brass pepper mill so they called me the other day asking if I could use the power of the Internet to find a new handle. I found one but grandpa said he would just throw it in the trash because they already ordered one to replace it. I told him it would be silly to throw it out when a new handle would make it work again. So, to make a long story short, I now have a big, brass pepper mill in my kitchen and I have no idea what to do with it.

I tried to eat one

of those "Airborne" tablets last night. I don't recommend it.

Tomorrow I think I will respond to questions

in a really deep voice just to see what people do. That and I am going to insult people by calling them "fuzzy munchkins" to see what happens. This is what occurs when I work too much.

Thanks to the Yellow Freight Company

with the orange trucks, I always get the colors yellow and orange messed up. Why can't Yellow trucks be yellow? If they are going to be orange, they should be called the "Orange Freight Company."

There are two bad habits I picked up

up in college. Sleeping while trying to read and sleeping while someone is giving a lecture. I suppose there could be worse habits I could have picked up.

Don't tell my mom

but we hid a non hardboiled Easter Egg in with the hardboiled Easter eggs. It should be surprising when she finds it.

We had more snow today

on Easter than we did at Christmas. How lame is that?

Once we found an Easter Egg

at Christmas. I don't recommend it.

I went to an allergist today

who told me I was pretty much allergic to everything. Trees, mold, dust mites, pollen, and cats. I really wish they would have told me about the needles in the back before they stuck me with them. I guess I have to get allergy shots now, do you think they will let me give myself shots? I have always wanted to give a shot but to myself, I am not sure.

My hands froze today

at work. Probably because I kept losing my gloves. Gloves are not good things to lose when it is cold out. Kind of like forgetting to pack underwear when you go on vacation, which I have done.

If you ever get old and your nose

becomes less sensitive, please remember that one or two sprays of perfume or cologne is acceptable. Use no more unless you are trying really hard to cover something up, in which case you should probably go home and shower. If you are in doubt, please ask someone with a functioning nose. Thanks.

Getting the faucet in my kitchen

to stop leaking involves wiggling the handle around for about 3 minutes until you find the "sweet spot." Then it doesn't leak. I grow tired of trying to find the sweet spot all the time so it does a lot of leaking. I don't know that it is call the landlord bad or not, I am just glad I don't pay my water bill. I think that is the most boring thing I have ever written.

If you ever have a kid

with a stuffed monkey in a doctor's office, please do not let your kid whack a stranger in the head with the stuffed monkey. That stranger could be me. In fact, it was.

I didn't comment the

last couple of days because I died. Happy April Fool's Day.